Crafting a Practical Parenting Plan for Co-Parenting Success
A “parenting plan” is a plan for parenting a child, including defining how and when the child will visit with each parent, and how decisions affecting the child will be made by the parents. A parenting plan is usually incorporated into a final decree or decree of modification in a divorce, legal separation, or paternity case.
“Parenting functions” are those aspects of the parent-child relationship where the parent makes decisions and performs functions necessary for the care and growth of the child. Parenting functions include:
- maintaining a loving, stable, consistent, and nurturing relationship with the child;
- attending to the daily needs of the child, such as feeding, clothing, physical care, grooming, supervision, health care, day care, and engaging in other activities which are appropriate to the developmental level of the child;
- attending to the child’s educational needs, including remedial or other education essential to the best interest of the child;
- assisting the child in developing and maintaining appropriate interpersonal relationships;
- exercising appropriate judgment regarding the child’s welfare, consistent with the child’s developmental level and family social and economic circumstances; and
- providing for the financial support of the child.
Key Components of a Comprehensive Parenting Plan
Parenting after separation or divorce comes with its own set of challenges, but having a clear and well-thought-out parenting plan can make life much easier. It helps reduce conflict, ensures expectations are clear, and keeps the focus on what matters most: the well-being of your child. Let’s break down the key sections of a parenting plan and include the essential questions you’ll want to answer when creating one.
Custody and Visitation Arrangements
Deciding who your child lives with and when they spend time with each parent is the foundation of a parenting plan.
Key questions to answer:
- Who will have legal custody (decision-making authority)?
- Who will have physical custody (where the child lives)?
- What will the regular schedule look like for weekdays, weekends, and holidays?
- How will holidays, birthdays, and special occasions be shared or alternated?
- What’s the plan if one parent needs to reschedule or has an emergency?
- How will drop-offs and pick-ups be handled, and where will they take place?
By addressing these questions, you can create a structure that works for both parents while keeping your child’s needs at the forefront.
Decision-Making Responsibilities
Children’s lives involve lots of decisions—about school, health, and more. This section clarifies how those decisions will be made.
Key questions to answer:
- Will major decisions (e.g., education, healthcare, religion) be shared, or will one parent take the lead?
- How will you handle disagreements about big decisions?
- Who decides which school your child attends or what extracurricular activities they participate in?
- How will you communicate about these decisions (e.g., through meetings, apps)?
- Are there specific areas where one parent has more expertise or responsibility?
Spelling this out can prevent misunderstandings down the line and ensure both parents have a say.
Communication Guidelines
Good communication is the secret to making co-parenting work. This section sets the tone for how you’ll stay connected.
Key questions to answer:
- What’s the primary method of communication (e.g., text, email, co-parenting apps)?
- How often will you check in about your child’s needs?
- What are the expectations for response times to messages or calls?
- How will you handle urgent matters?
- What are the boundaries around communication during the other parent’s parenting time?
Having these details in writing creates a respectful, productive way to co-parent without unnecessary drama.
Financial Arrangements
Money matters can be a sensitive topic, so it’s best to lay everything out clearly.
Key questions to answer:
- What is the child support agreement, and when are payments due?
- How will you divide expenses like school fees, medical bills, or extracurricular costs?
- Who is responsible for maintaining the child’s health insurance?
- Will you set up a shared account or use an app to track shared expenses?
Answering these questions ensures both parents contribute fairly to the child’s needs.
Holiday and Vacation Planning
Special occasions can get tricky without a plan in place, so it’s helpful to map out how they’ll be handled.
Key questions to answer:
- How will you divide holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Easter?
- Will the child spend birthdays with one parent or both?
- How much notice should be given for vacation plans?
- What’s the process for approving travel (especially out-of-state or international)?
- How will you handle unexpected changes to the holiday schedule?
Having clarity here helps make holidays stress-free and enjoyable for everyone.
Health and Wellness Considerations
Health is one area where both parents need to be on the same page, especially during emergencies.
Key questions to answer:
- Who will take the child to routine doctor and dentist appointments?
- How will you handle decisions about vaccinations or major treatments?
- Who will be notified during medical emergencies, and how?
- What’s the plan for covering uninsured medical costs?
Covering these bases ensures your child’s health remains a top priority.
Education and Extracurricular Activities
School and activities play a big role in a child’s life, and parents should align on how to support these aspects.
Key questions to answer:
- Who decides where the child goes to school?
- How will you split responsibilities for attending parent-teacher conferences or school events?
- Who pays for extracurricular activities, uniforms, or lessons?
- How will you handle transportation to and from activities?
Agreeing on these points ensures your child can thrive academically and socially.
Conflict Resolution Mechanisms
Even the best parenting plans can’t prevent every disagreement, so it’s smart to have a plan for resolving disputes.
Key questions to answer:
- What’s the first step if there’s a disagreement (e.g., direct conversation, mediation)?
- Are you open to using a family counselor or co-parenting coach?
- How often will you review and update the parenting plan?
- What’s the process if one parent doesn’t follow the agreement?
These strategies keep disputes from spiraling and help you move forward constructively.
Special Considerations
Every family is different, and some plans require extra details to fit their unique needs.
Key questions to answer:
- Does your child have special medical or educational needs that require additional care?
- How will you handle the introduction of new partners into your child’s life?
- What’s the process if one parent plans to move?
- Are there other unique circumstances that need to be addressed (e.g., religious practices, blended family dynamics)?
Addressing these specifics ensures your parenting plan works for your family’s unique situation.
Parenting plan: how flexible or specific should it be?
Parenting plans govern how parents of minor children will handle child custody and parenting (also known as legal and physical custody.) To some extent, all parenting plans need a degree of specificity and a degree of flexibility. The question is where do those degrees lie for you and your situation?
A flexible parenting plan might leave which days of the week the children will be with the noncustodial parent up to the parties. A highly specific parenting plan might detail in which home the children will spend Memorial Day weekend eight years from now.
A parenting plan is used to guide the parents, but the terms of the plan are also there to be enforced by the court, if needed. There will be some items in the plan that the parents do not mutually enforce, for example a specific time for exchanges. If the parents are able to communicate and get along well, they may be flexible as to these terms, even though they are specified in the plan. It may or may not be necessary for the parents to formally modify the plan to incorporate the changes, depending on (a) whether the change will be ongoing; and (b) whether at some point a dispute will arise about whether the variance is a “done deal” or not.
If the variance is ongoing and/or there is some likelihood of dispute in the future, the plan should be modified in writing, to memorialize the new arrangements. For some parents, to memorialize every variance would be a constant, never-ending task. So a balance must be struck between the specific aspects and the flexible aspects of the parenting plan.
Wrapping It Up
A parenting plan is your roadmap to co-parenting successfully. By answering these questions and covering all the bases, you can create a plan that reduces stress, supports your child, and keeps both parents on track. Remember, the best parenting plans are clear, flexible when needed, and always focused on what’s best for the child. If you’re unsure about how to draft or finalize your plan, consulting with a mediator or family lawyer can provide extra support.
If you are working on a parenting plan, consider consulting a family lawyer for assistance.